Je sais qu'on dirait que je suis mort, mais ce n'est absolument pas le cas. Je suis juste très occupé à tuer des gens à coup de pelle pliante et à me débarrasser de leurs corps. Croyez-moi, c'est fatigant.

Heureusement, comme je sais que pendant ce temps là vous restez de pauvre êtres incultes et méprisables, j'ai décidé de pallier votre cruel manque de culture en vous présentant quelque citations de Jack Handey, homme qui aurait pu définir le cynisme par cette seule phrase :

"I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it."

Comme vous pouvez le voir, c'est assez caustique. Cet homme spécialisé dans l'humour absurde et les one-liner jokes a donc immédiatement acquis ma sympathie.
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"I wish I had a dollar for every time I spent a dollar, because then, yahoo!, I'd have all my money back."

"When you die, if you go somewhere where they ask you a bunch of questions about your life and what you learned and all, I think a good way to get out of it is just to say, 'No speaka English.'"

"Whenever you read a good book, it's like the author is right there, in the room, talking to you, which is why I don't like to read good books."

"To me, clowns aren't funny. In fact, they're kinda scary. I've wondered where this started, and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus and a clown killed my dad."

"Even though he was an enemy of mine, I had to admit that what he had accomplished was a brilliant piece of strategy. First, he punched me, then he kicked me, then he punched me again."


Bref.
Allez mourir.